FUNNY ANSWERS BY KIDS

Teacher: Last night I had a dream that I ate a huge marshmallow.
Student: And what happened next?
Teacher: I woke up in the morning and found my pillow gone!!!

A girl came home from school. Her mother asked, “Dear how was your first day at school?”
And the girl replied, “First day? You mean I have to go back there tomorrow?”

Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!

Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A: Because it’s too far to walk!

Q: What must you do before you get board a bus?
A: Get on it!

Q: What is the longest word in the dictionary?
A: The word smiles because there is a mile between each s.

Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver.

Q: What is black and white, white and black, black and white?
A: A zebra caught in a revolving door!!

Q: Why did the squirrel cross the road?
A: To show his girlfriend he had guts.

Q: What did the pig say when the man grabbed him by the tail?
A: That’s the end of me…

Q. What happens when you throw a black cat in the red sea?
A. It gets wet.

Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: Because it was not peeling well!

Q. Why do fish swim in salt water?
A. Because pepper makes them sneeze.

Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A. You’re too young to smoke

Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven ate nine

Q: Why do dogs wag their tails?
A: Because nobody else will do it for them.

Q. Why did the cat cross the road?
A. To get away from the dog!

Q. Why did the dog cross the road?
A. To chase the cat on the other side!!!

Q: What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A: A cloud

Q: What do you get when you throw all the books in the world in the ocean?
A: A title wave

Q: Why don’t vampires like mosquitoes?
A: Too much competition!

Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
A: The teacher says “Spit out your gum” and the train says “Choo! Choo!”

DIVORCE LETTER

 

 Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

——Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem. 

-Author Unknown-

PERFECT HUSBAND

 

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to
talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's
only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I
saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000." ;

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and
found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're
asking $980,000 for it."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably
take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you
really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in
astonishment, mouths wide open.

 
He turns and asks, "Anyone know who's phone this is?"

-Author Unknown-

The Child and her Mother

A curious child asked her mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

-Author Unknown-